HILARIOUS: Colbert & Susan Lucci Turn Petraeus Scandal Into Real Soap Opera

Forget about the cost of war with revenue losing Bush tax cuts OR the actual war, because no one can stop talking about this nonsense:



But lemme make sure I understand what happened…

Ok I’m confused: John McAfee ran away with Paula Broadwell who slept with Jill Kelley, so Peaches (Petraeus) is hunting McAfee down via insecure email?

And Jill Kelley & her twin slept with Paula Broadwell on a bed inside of a John-Ethan-Allen store and someone sent video to an FBI agent?

Then FBI agent, after extensive and prolonged viewing of that video at John-Ethan-Allen store, sent copy of video to Eric Cantor?! Wow

This explains why NO ONE has called me back about my resume for CIA Director opening or Fox News can’t focus on Bush tax cuts with 2+ wars!

Not to mention, I spent a LOT of time padding my resume for that CIA Director position. I embedded myself into places couldn’t afford to go!

One such resume detail: rescuing FBI Director at least 15 times from Nigeria. And I did it cost-effectively with $150-300.00 diverted from Congress.

Oh…mentioning FBI probably got me black-balled from CIA. See, help somebody out, get screwed every time! *eyeroll*